My father and I are saying goodbye at a
small airport in southern Africa. He and close friends of his have
joined me in one of my favorite places, Botswana's Okavango Delta.
We've always been close, but for some reason he seems especially
emotional as I put him on the plane. Tears well in his eyes as he says
how much he loves me and hopes we'll see more of each other. I assure
him that I'll be home soon. He smiles and climbs into the plane.
Immediately I call my mother and sister and tell them that something is
not right. During our safari he became easily confused. He drifted off
in conversations. He seemed disengaged. One evening as we talked, Dad—a
world traveler and geography whiz—couldn't remember the name of the
Swiss village he and my mother stayed in at least a dozen times.
My mother takes him to a neurologist for testing. The diagnosis is
dementia, most likely Alzheimer's. Dad remains cheerful and positive.
As often happens in these cases, my mother is the one who struggles
with despair. Shortly thereafter, she is diagnosed with cancer. Six
months later, she is gone.
My sister and I face the toughest decision of our lives: How to give
our father the care he deserves? We find an excellent facility, three
miles from my sister's home, that specializes in caring for those with
dementia. At first he resists, then settles in. When I call, my father
tells me he's buying a new yellow Mustang, and that he and my mother
are driving over to visit this afternoon. It breaks my heart to hear
his gentle voice making plans that will never happen, but then I think
that if he is happy living in an imaginary world with his beloved wife,
perhaps memory loss isn't such a bad thing. I accept his illness and
cherish every moment with him.
Memory, perishable and enduring, is the brain's archive. It is a marvel
of neuronic circuitry, as Joshua Foer explains in this month's cover
story. Its loss can be cruel, but remember this: It is through memory
that we hold on to those we love.




